We all wish we could ride dinosaurs.
City Chase is coming up and we here at the Gumboot are all pretty excited. I’m excited for a few reasons. First, I said “yes” to join in on this little competition before having a full grasp of what I’ll be required to do. Run around the city? Check. Engage in humourous challenges? Check. Help promote the (so far) unsullied name of Mitsubishi? Check. Ride dinosaurs through the mean streets of Vancouver? I hope so.
But even if I don’t get to ride dinosaurs, that’s ok. Do you know why? Because I get to compete with my good friend and Gumboot co-editor John Horn. We’re one of three teams the Gumboot has raised for this competition. Teams are some of the greatest things about adventures. That’s why Batman and Robin had so much fun fighting crime. This time, John and I will be competing against 400 other City Chase teams spread around the Downtown core. But more importantly, we’ll be competing against our fellow Gumbooters (in a friendly way). With that in mind, I thought I’d crib a very modest and basic guide for any handicappers out there looking to wager, which of the three teams are going to finish first. Some of you may say I’m horribly biased. But that’s for you to accusingly say in the comments.
Team John and Kurt
Advantages: They are fast – ninja fast. John’s really competitive and Kurt’s curmudgeonly nature will allow him to soldier through all sorts of physical test and challenges like his forefather’s did in Stalingrad. John is especially cagey having spent a long period of his youth as a Pirate’s fifth mate. Kurt’s controversial nature will allow him to “think outside the Mitsubishi box”. John doesn’t mind cheating and Kurt doesn’t mind that John doesn’t mind cheating.
Disadvantages: None known to man. If you think you know any, you’re probably wrong, so keep them to yourself.
Team Michelle and Stew
Advantages: Michelle is lovely and brilliant. Stew’s nuanced and analytical perspective will only serve to aid their team’s quest for glory. Michelle likes puzzles and challenges. Stew threw out his back, so he may arrive at the race equipped with some sort of cyborg technology that will allow him to fly and run like the Million Dollar Man.
The dynamic duo.
Disadvantages: Stew through out his back this week. Enough said. Oh and Michelle’s actually a double agent working for Team John and Kurt.
Godfrey and Mike
Advantages: The recent birth of Mike’s child has allowed him to operate for long periods of time without sleep. His baby-tested stamina will go a long way. Godfrey’s Bay-model good looks could be used to charm unsuspecting young female City Chase organizers. Mike has a lot of tattoos and looks hardcore – other city chase contestants will avoid fucking with his team. Godfrey’s Mini car is ideal for moving from place to place in the downtown urban environment.
Disadvantages: Godfrey’s nautical knowledge and understanding of the seas will not help in the slightest on land. Mike’s curious and introspective nature will lead him on long non-City Chase related tangents losing the team valuable time.
My prediction falls solidly with Team Kurt and John. But let’s see what the rest of you have to say.
