[Editor's note: John Horn and Mark Atkinson were friends at Bishop's University. But then Mark went to Nova Scotia and John moved to Vancouver. Sporadically, they kept in touch over the years, but - fortunately for you, the noble readers of the Daily Gumboot - their friendship has re-discovered itself thanks to hockey. More specifically thanks to the fact that Mark loves the Boston Bruins and John loves the Vancouver Canucks. Sure, after this series they can never be friends again. But the point is that you will benefit from their being
nemesises nemeses nemesoulmates nemesi each others' worst enemy! GO SPORTS!]
Re-Cap of Before
Mark: Luongo jokes are everywhere. I’m watching Sports Centre now and the Red Sox announcer just commented on a ground ball by saying “…and that one would have certainly got by Luongo last night” hahaha. I love it. Rolled into Boston Vancouver Pizza around 8:30 and pulled up a chair at the bar (as per usual). It was a Vancouver friendly crowd once again, but I pulled a page out of American History X and decided to just ‘throw up a flag’ (No I do not have a swastika tattoo). I put on the Thornton shirt and two seconds later I was joined by a guy in a jersey from Maine. We were there for one another, through thick and thin. 5mins in and we were high-fiving all over the place. After the third goal we didn’t even cheer any more, we just burst into laughter. I think that annoyed the Vancouver hippies even more than our cheering. When they scored on Schneider I was in hysterics. You guys suck! 5-2 isnt’ a blow out on it’s own, but when we score 4 goals in 4:14, it is a blow out. And when you combine that with the all out physical bullying we’re doing, I almost started to feel bad for you. How many punches to the face can Sedin take? Buddy just stands there and eats knuckles from a guy half his size, and not one of your other players come in to stand up for him!!! Even if there was no instigator penalty I bet not one of your players would drop the gloves with a Bruin. Who let’s their star player get whacked in the face and bullied by a punk like Marchand. Grow a pair Vancouver. I woke up the next day, flicked on TSN and the first thing they say is Vancouver is in an uproar over the Boychuk/Raymond hit. I was like “what the whistlin’ dixie are they talking about? That hit was clean, just awkward”. Then I saw the replay. Holy interference. The hit kinda started when the puck went by, so technically Boychuk was finishing his hit, it was just a real long, slow hit. Definitely not near the puck when he hit the boards though. Difference is, that wasn’t a malicious hit like Rome’s. Boychuck was just riding him into the glass, and had they Raymond been upright instead of bent over, no one would have even noticed.
John: If Game 6 can be summed up by two words they are: cheating and choking. Cheating because that’s what Boston and their refs do best. Unbelievable. So many hacks to the shins. So much interference. Three fractured vertabrae. An incredulous Danish person. And a Game 7 that has the NHL’s revenue stream flowing nice and thick, baby! As for choking, well, what’s left to be said? Roberto Luongo may well go down in history as the most controversial “great” goaltender in hockey history. I’m the first guy to admit being a Luongo apologist and believe that he’s unfairly treated by Vancouver fans who, as I’ve said before, are the worst. But last night, Luuuu, you put our team in a position from which they could never return. Kinda like the position Mason Raymond got put into away from the play with the puck nowhere near him.
Also, Steve Nash and I are going to tie Milan Lucic to a tractor and pull him around the Delta area once this series is over. He might be the most hated British Columbia export since Stockwell Day.
Finally, Boston won 4:14 of hockey. Unlike Games 3 & 4, the Canucks skated with your goons all game long. Had it not been for half-a-dozen goal posts and bad bounces (Henrik!!!), well, the Cup would’ve been hoisted already. Oh, and Tim Thomas was a genius and – literally – saved a goal with his giant cohones. #Amazing #DrewCareyImpersonator
Predictions: Game 7
John: Back to Vancouver means back to, um, probably one goal games. Well, maybe. But maybe not. Look. Vancouver is too good a team to score so few goals, so I’m going to predict that this game will be the anomaly. They will score often. Also, that Luongo guy will pitch a shutout, which would make three for the series and will add to his ridiculous factor – it’s so off the charts that it’s ridiculous. Just for the record, Tim Thomas/Drew Carey and Roberto Luongo have allowed the same number of goals at home.
They team will rally around Mason Raymond and his broken back and Tim Thomas will be scored on more times than Mark’s girlfriend, who is an absolute saint and an honourable woman, but a terrible goaltender.
Final score: 4-1 for the Stanley Cup Champions! (Vancouver, not Jerks)
Vancouver will celebrate like it’s
1982 1994 2011! And Boston will look like this:
Wait, not like that. That’s an ogre posing nude.
Mark: Nose Face Killin it! Brad ‘The Nose face Killah’ Marchand is going to haunt your dreams all Summer Vancouver. I’ve given up on Seguin. He had his time. I know you’ve won all of your games at home and Luongo stands on his head there, but we will win this one for two reasons. 1) We know why we lost. We didn’t bring the physical game. With it being game 7, I am sure the B’s will come out flying, and the Canucks have proven time and time again that you are scared little babies. 2) You barely won all three times in Vancouver. 1-0, 3-2, 1-0. That is not dominance. 16 goals in 3 games is dominance. You can’t win four games by the skin of your teeth. No way, no how. And 3) we’ve already proven that we win game 7′s. We did it against Montreal, we did it against Tampa, and we’re going to do it again against Vanloser. Boston 6-1. Fans start leaving towards the end of the 2nd after Boston score 3 goals in 1:36 and Luongo gets pulled.
“Round trip ticket Vancouver to Boston, $1999.00, scalped ticket section 310 $900.00, 1 night in overpriced Boston hotel $325.00, crying in your $6.00 beer after Luongo gives up 3 goals on 8 shots……priceless”
[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]
Mark: What time is it in Boston? 16 past Luongo. What do Air Canada employees and Roberto Luongo have in common? They both walked off the job on Monday night. Luongo gets pulled more than my shoelaces. I can keep going. I can’t wait to send in a picture of me taking down that stupid Vancouver Pizza banner tonight after the game. I hope CBC is there again tonight so they can get a view of me doing it. If you see a guy/gal in a bruins shirt, make sure you stay close so you can get your picture taken wearing it Horn ol’ boy. And watch out downtown tonight, because with all of those angry Orca lovers crying on the way home it could get dangerous. This is going to be a slaughtering. Horton’s on the flight to Vancouver, the boys are gonna come out and kill the Canucks.
You win the Hottest fans award though, is there a Stanley Cup for that? But I’ve known that ever since the first time Will Connors showed me his yearbook back in 2000.
John: Enough has been said. I’ll let the Vancouver do what it does back. Answer punk comments by putting goals in your net.
Seriously, though. Mark, you’re an absolute gentleman and I’ll miss this – few Daily Correspondents have been as creative, insightful, funny, and downright committed as you’ve been. You’re gonna look great in a Canucks tshirt, buddy. Maybe you can pick one up at
Boston Vancouver Pizza…