Tag Archives: hockey

A look at hockey from South America

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artbrom / flickr

I have been living in Buenos Aires for 4 years now. Usually people do not know much about Canada. Sometimes I get weird face when I say I’m from Canada even if I clearly speak with a french accent. First thing Argentineans mention is how cold it must be. Some think we don’t even have a summer. The second element most associated with my home country is ice hockey (“ice” is necessary since grass hockey is quite popular in Argentina).  The other day, I was working in a café when a saw NHL images on TV, I was very surprised since argentinean media do not even cover the Stanley cup finals –except its riots of course. Unfortunately, the TV show was presenting images from the Rangers/Devils game that started with a few fights, with the title “Ice hockey or boxing?” As too often, I felt a little bit of shame, as a hockey fan, but also as Canadian/Quebecois. It is somewhat difficult to explain to Argentineans that I enjoy watching hockey, it is a sport of speed and beauty and hockey is part of my culture. Hockey’s image here is limited to fights, violence and dirty hits, closer to Ultimate Fighting than anything else.

Fighting has been part of hockey for so long that it seems almost natural to canadian eyes. However, when you see it from the outside, it seems ridiculous, even idiotic. Try to explain to someone not familiar with north american hockey that fighting is allowed but not really because it is punished; referees let players fight, if they previously  agreed to it; and that it does not have anything to do with the object of the game (scoring goals), except maybe “change the momentum”… Believe me, it is impossible to make any sense out of it. Take any other sport, even very physical ones such as rugby or football, and insert fighting in it… it just looks silly and pathetic. I always thought fighting was not a very important part of hockey and that we could easily do away with it, but its absurdity really hit me a few years ago. I was in my hometown with my uruguayan girlfriend. She was getting familiar with our culture and asked to see a hockey game. Since I was bringing here to a small town, semi-pro game, I warned her that it could get violent. She thought I was talking about physical plays, much like rugby… she was horrified when came the staged fights, she could not believe it. There was not much I could say, it is true that if one has not been desensitized to it from a young age, it does seem barbaric.

As for anything else, change can be tough to come about. If you are old enough, you might remember the old days when car belts were not mandatory or when people could smoke in bars, restaurant and hospitals… Although it seems ridiculous now, many resisted when we collectively decided to modify these situations. I believe we came to a point fighting has to be completely eliminated from our national sport. We could not accept this kind of health risk in any other profession. We do know now that hitting someone’s head repeatedly damages his brain permanently… shocking that it took us so long to figure this one out. Still, how can we accept to see young adults hurting each other like this, for something not even directly related to the game itself, as last year’s death of a few “enforcers” forced us to see. With rare exceptions in the russian KHL, fighting does not exist in international and european hockey, nor does it in the NCAA, and canadian junior is seriously talking about banning it as well. Hopefully, the NHL will follow this trend. It might be difficult to get there, considering that the Bruins just gooned their way to the Stanley Cup. Even the Canucks have recently travelled back to the 80s by adding muscles and “enforcers” to their lineup… The biggest problem remains that some important NHL market keep selling hockey using violence. Added to the NHL extremely conservative management, fighting might very well keep making me ashamed of our national sport in front of my argentinean friends. I might have to start pretending I like baseball…

Amazing Sports Fusion

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It’s a well known sports fact that the Vancouver Canucks build pre-game team-based-community-winning awesomeness by playing soccer. After all, with so many players from different national and cultural backgrounds, it makes sense, I guess, for the guys to get their blood flowing and joints loosened by playing the sport that is the most accessible, celebrated and beautiful one on Earth. You know, hockey soccer football!

And then, last night, Daniel Sedin took the Vancouver Canucks’ penchant for pre-game soccer-playing to amazing new levels. Because he did this:

Is this our first glimpse of a new sport that, for lack of a better word, I will call sockey? Has Daniel Sedin found a secret weapon that he will try to exploit for months and years to come? Will kids from Vancouver and Sweden (because nowhere else knows or cares about Twin Power) incur head injuries by emulating Daniel and banging really, really, really hard pieces of hockey equipment with their heads and faces? Will Eric Hassli bust out a hockey stick as part of future goal celebrations? Was the mediocre-at-best Parker/Stone vehicle BASEketballs actually a forward-thinking, bang-on prediction about where sport is headed?

I’m not sure what will happen to our global sporting community in the coming days, months, years, and decades, but I do know that we’ve witnessed something dexterously special and, possibly, have seen through a window of sport fusion into a future of people heading hockey pucks, kicking basketballs, bicycle-spiking volleyballs, and inappropriately wielding hockey sticks on the football pitch. And such things are amazing.

Finally, whatever the context of our sporting future, Steve Nash was fusing sports into each other before anyone announcing games for TSN thought it was cool.

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Masthead photo courtesy of Dooq

Bruins vs. Canucks: Game 5

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[Editor's note: John Horn and Mark Atkinson were friends at Bishop's University. But then Mark went to Nova Scotia and John moved to Vancouver. Sporadically, they kept in touch over the years, but - fortunately for you, the noble readers of the Daily Gumboot - their friendship has re-discovered itself thanks to hockey. More specifically thanks to the fact that Mark loves the Boston Bruins and John loves the Vancouver Canucks. Sure, after this series they can never be friends again. But the point is that you will benefit from their being nemesises nemeses nemesoulmates nemesi each others' worst enemy! GO SPORTS!]

Re-Cap of Before

Mark: That was more impressive than the 8-1 win. Marchand backing up his pestering by dropping the mitts, the fact that it was a shutout, and Tim Thomas actually chucking dukes instead of just body checking. Strolled into Boston Vancouver Pizza with the same crew as game 3, and got the same result (I might have to start paying for their drinks so they’ll keep coming, seems to be good luck). Everyone with half a brain knew Bobby Orr was coming out to kick off the game, but bringing out the Horton #18 flag just set the crowd, and apparently the team, into a frenzy! I knew then and there that this game was ours for the taking. I should offer congratulations to Henrik Sedin on finally getting a shot on goal in the finals, it only took him 9.5 periods, guess he leads by words and not example eh? 8 Mins left in the first and the guy who gets bumped up to replace Horton scores the first goal, I might have even peed a little when that happened. Canucks revert to there tried and true tactics of faking being hurt in the second period with Burrows and Sedin both embellishing a smack to the face, neither of which drew a call (ever read the boy who cried wolf?). Bruins score two and you know that with the way Timmy Thomas (we’re close, I call him Timmy) is playing that there is no coming back from 3-0 in one period. One more for good measure in the 3rd and the Canucks staff is thinking of bringing their golf clubs with them to Beantown on Monday.

John: The best team in the NHL is being beaten by a goalie and his minions of ragamuffin thugs. Not to mention said minions’ classless fans. The Canucks were beaten in every way on Wednesday. They were punished physically, emotionally and mentally – I mean, the way Marchand dusted off his hands as he skated by the Canucks’ bench after clothes-lining Erhoff and under-cutting Daniel was the kind of thuggery that happens when, first, a team can’t penalize said thug by making him pay on the power play and, second, this is what happens when a team can’t do the first thing or match physicality with physicality. Luongo was rightly chased from his goal – he let in some weak ones – but Keith Ballard and his brothers on the back line need to (and hopefully have been doing) some pretty serious soul searching. I loved how Ballard jumped on Marchand after his antics, but it was too little too late.

If one thing summarizes Game 4 it’s this: The Boston Bruins won every single battle for loose pucks.

This was unreal and is unacceptable.

Another unacceptable thing is that when Boston Bruins slash, punch, clothesline, taunt, slew-foot, hit-high. hit-late, run-the-goalie, and goon-it-up, the world calls it “old time hockey” – but when the Canucks to any of that – or fall down when they get hit in the face with a stick – it’s dirty or faking. You can’t have it both ways, world outside of Vancouver. The last unacceptable thing(s) I’ll mention are the ridiculous penalty calls on a Sedin (even I can’t remember which one) for slashing and Mason Raymond for hooking/slashing/cross-checking, whatever it was – utter crap. Also, goal number two came on a post-slew-foot turnover. Sure, Keith Ballard should’ve gotten the heck up and then not danced with Henrik Sedin next to the goal, but it was still a ridiculous non-call. At the end of the day, though, Vancouver needs to score on the power plays they have – six chances are more than enough to put Boston away.


Predictions: Game 5

John: I predict that Vancouver fans will be the worst. It’s already happening. The thing I like about your fans, Mark, is that they’re level of player loyalty is pretty high. From what I understand, no one was panicking during the Montreal or Tampa series – like, not the same way so many of Vancouver’s fans were freaking out during the Chicago series. Anyway, the people who are calling for Luongo’s head and yelling about the Sedins and Kessler need to know that this isn’t what the players need to hear right now. I predict that there will be an unfortunate air of nervousness and tension in Rogers Arena and this disappoints me to no end. Paying between $2,000-$6,200 for a ticket means that you should be yelling like it’s your last day on earth. Because, if fans don’t back the team, it very well could be.

But on to the game. The Sedins are going to be huge. And so is Chris Higgins. I don’t know if it’ll be the hits, the goals, the puck possession, or Daniel getting on Henrik’s shoulders and fighting Zdeno Chara. But something is going to happen and these players are going to play like the guys that got us here and not like dudes skating on terrible ice in an arena where the hate crimes were higher than the temperature…in Fahrenheit. I also think that Keith Ballard is going to be a difference maker. And that’s all I’ll say.

You look like you’ll fill out an XL Canucks t-shirt nicely, buddy. Have you been working out?

Final score: 4-1 Canuckleheads!


Mark: I’ve been bragging up home ice advantage for the past two games, and tonight is no different. I figure the Vancouver faithful will be out in full force and scream extra loud to show the boys in blue and white that they still love them. Too bad for them that they’ll be shut up by half way through the first period. We’re on too much of a roll right now. I haven’t seen the offense AND defense clicking like this all season long, it’s ridiculous. The Sedins, both of those aliens, aren’t doing jack squat, and Luongo is just bad, as voiced by the drunken Masshole below on the way home after the 8-1 drumming in game 3. Maybe he can do some head and shoulders ads in the off season with those pretty locks of his to supplement his income. If you guys score first, I’ll be back to sweating like I did during the first two games in Vancouver. If we get the lead at any point, even if we get the lead and Vancouver comes back to tie it up, we will still emerge victorious. Bruins 5-1. I said it, 5-1.


[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]

John: Welcome back to the Pacific Northwest, pal. Here, we have real ice. It helps our hockey players move like hockey players and not like oafs. Speaking of which, in order to deal with your fans and players, I’ve made some calls to some big characters from The Princess Bride who are ready to put your rabble in their collective place.

Seriously, though. Once we get back to hockey we’ll reveal Tim Thomas for what he is. A great goalie who played two great games and who is ripe for a fantastic error that will cost you kids the game. Oh, and the red light will light on more than one Canucks power play, my friend. Finally, you’re crappy ice gave your goonish, overachieving team a lot of lucky bounces. You’ve had your turn with luck, and now it’s ours. Remember I told you this when the first garbage goal finds its way past Timmy.

Good luck, good sir. You’re gonna need it. Boston Vancouver Pizza will be a place of celebration tonight!

Mark: Before last night’s Mavericks win, the Boston Bruins had more points in 24 hours than Lebron James (12-8). I said it after the first two games and I’ll say it again: You squeaked those first two wins out by the skin of your teeth. One with the clock ticking down and one in overtime, both by one goal. We embarrassed you so bad in games 3 and 4 that your grandchildren will wake up with nightmares. Luongo has about as much confidence in his game as Tiger Woods does right now, and you don’t just come back from a public shellacking like that with ease. Canucks keep diving, and we keep hitting. Not only are you not getting the calls any more, I would wager that someone on the Canucks gets an unsportsmanlike for faking being hurt at some point in the next two games. I’m heading to my hometown of Bridgewater tonight (think Merville on steroids), meaning I will be watching the game at a house party surrounded by friends and not one Canuck fan. That positive energy combined with the fact that a case of beer at home costs as much as 3 beer at the bar, will make me even more of a jerk during the game. I do not envy you John Horn, if you have to watch the game on Monday night knowing that you’re down 3-2 and heading to Boston because the garden is going to a literal zoo if that happens. Best of luck chummmmmmmmmp.

[Editor's note: Mark Atkinson is responsible for all swearwords associated with this blog post. His comparison of Bridgewater to Merville is also 92.5% accurate, even though he has never been to Merville. Well played, Mark].

Bruins vs. Canucks: Game 3

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[Editor's note: John Horn and Mark Atkinson were friends at Bishop's University. But then Mark went to Nova Scotia and John moved to Vancouver. Sporadically, they kept in touch over the years, but - fortunately for you, the noble readers of the Daily Gumboot - their friendship has re-discovered itself thanks to hockey. More specifically thanks to the fact that Mark loves the Boston Bruins and John loves the Vancouver Canucks. Sure, after this series they can never be friends again. But the point is that you will benefit from their being nemesises nemeses nemesoulmates nemesi each others' worst enemy! GO SPORTS!]


Re-Cap of Before

Mark: Alex F@#%ing Burrows. Of all people to score the game winner, it’s Burrows…..for Game 2 I was suckered by a Habs fan into heading to a different sports bar. ‘Sure thing’ I thought, ‘Boston Pizza wasn’t very Boston-like for game 1, so I’ll go with ya’. What he didn’t tell me was that not only was his Canucks fan of a girlfriend coming, but she was bringing 3 other Canucks fans, two of which brought brand new Canucks jerseys! I’ve walked into the lion’s den again! I’m not even going to go there on the officiating of game 2. You guys got screwed, we got screwed, and we definitely evened up the whole nibble-gate scenario with that McSorley style two handed calf hack on Bieksa. Maybe it was payback for Lapierre taunting Beregeron…mess with the bull buddy, you get the horns. I almost had my prediction right on the Recchi game winner with what I would have to call, the most beautiful tip-in in the history of all hockey. PS, that goal by Burrows in OT was straight out of NHL ’94. Kid must have been up all night on his Genesis scoring goals doing the wrap-around.

John: Alex Burrows. Great hockey player or the greatest hockey player? I’ll leave that to you, NHL Conn Smythe Selection Committee. Anyway, I watched the game with the Horn Family at the Beagle Pub in Victoria, BC. I can now cross-off Watching the Canucks win the Stanley Cup with my Dad off of my Bucket List. As Mark said, Boston evened (or went ahead) the Cheating Cup Cheaterthon Finals with the two-handed axe-job on Bieksa. It was dirtier than a bear who just binged on blackberries, boiled eggs, dirt, an ants nest, and 600 chicken stackers. If there is one important thing to re-cap about Saturday’s game is that the rest of the hockey world is in full-blown “we hate or strongly-dislike Vancouver” mode. Don Cherry is just Don Cherry, which was reflected in his comments during “Confused Man Yells Things at Moving Pictures Corner” about how Boston was about to run away with the series based on the first period…after which they were trailing. But what was even more astonishing was Mike Milbury’s Healy-like anger about Maxim Lapierre’s hilarious antics that involved a finger and Patrice Bergeron’s mouth. Check it out:

In conclusion, I am of the following opinion: for every gear that Boston has, Vancouver has two more.

Predictions: Game 3

John: The Canucks powerplay will come alive and everyone who cares for bears should be scared of this prediction/fact. The thing about Vancouver is that they win everywhere – and there’s no way that Chicago, Nashville and San Jose (arguably the three loudest arenas in hockey) aren’t louder than TD Garden. I also predict that Tim Thomas will cease to be the second best player on the Vancouver Canucks and go back to being the third best goaltender in the NHL (Cory Schneider is the second). The Canucks will continue to capitalize on incredibly sloppy and poor neutral zone play by the Bruins. And the following rumour will continue: because of their reputation for “coming second, third or worse in life” the Boston Bruins actually got their most recent logo from the reject-pile of pitched Batman logos back in the 1930s. The more I think about it – especially the finishing third in life stuff – the more this rumour totally makes sense! Especially because Batman was not a tennis player, which – I think – is what your team’s logo is all about. Final score: 3-1 Good Guys.

Mark: You had your turn, now we get to have ours. You’re supposed to win at home, that’s why they give you clowns the extra home game, because you had the better regular season record. Bruins ain’t scared though. Bruins are pumped really. See, we’ve been through two 7 games series’ already, we know that you don’t win the cup with two wins, you need four. As much as I hate to say it, I would assume that based on the past two games, we’re looking at another nail biter. If this series goes 7 games, I’ll be watching from my hospital bed cause I’m not sure how many heart attacks one man can survive. Last game I predicted Seguin would score the first Bruins goal, but not necessarily the first goal of the game. This time around, I say he scores the second goal (putting us up 2-0 in the first 10mins of the game), first goal is coming from Krejci in under 4mins. We then trade goals back and forth, sometimes even having a tie game. Boston scores one goal in the third and actually manages to hold the lead until the final horn blows. 4-3 Boston when the fat lady sings.

[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]

Mark: Speaking of John’s [INSERT NAME SOMEONE CLOSE TO JOHN THAT WAS INAPPROPRIATE TO PUBLISH] singing, it’s going to be the power of Rene Rancourt’s voice when he belts out the anthems that gets this game going. Home ice advantage is a big deal. Heck, I get goosebumps sitting at a bar in Halifax, Nova Scotia when they start playing ‘Shipping up to Boston’ or ‘Hells Bells’, imagine how freakin pumped the Bruins will be. Heck, we even lost both games at home against Montreal then went on the road and stole two from them, so it’s not like we don’t know how to get this done. And I know you’re up by two games, but come on, both games decided by one goal, both of which happened almost right at the 60 minute mark. It’s not like you dominated the Bruins at home. More like you barely survived the Bruins in your own freaking rink. I’m going to return to Boston Pizza  for tonight’s tilt in hopes of having a few fellow Bruins fans to cheer with, apparently they do exist here.

They also have two for one drinks tonight, so I’d be there even if there wasn’t a hockey game ;) . Apparently those broccoli coloured spandex lovers are coming to Boston for the game. That’s balls. Even I wouldn’t be dumb enough to do that. There’s a poll online right now, vote 1 to leave them alone, vote 10 to punch their lights out: it’s currently at 8.5. And we have better fans anyway, check this kid out, that’s a real fan right there. Logo on his jersey and on his chest. You’ll never hear the crowd go wild for a couple of faceless aliens.

And if I were them, I’d be sure to wear a diaper, cause when you go to the bathroom, this is what happens:

John: I can’t disagree on the fan-front, Mark. Vancouver fans are decidedly corporate, quiet and like texting people about how they’re at the game. Those are the fans inside the arena, though. Outside, well, they’re closing even more streets tonight in order to accommodate the excited sprawl of folks looking to celebrate victory in North America’s most beautiful city.  Just to clarify a comment above – Vancouver at the Good Guys. In terms of Trash Talk, well, I’m not about poking bears or spiking touchdowns when the score is 2-0. I’ll take a break from writing about how, Mark, your team needs to spend less time braiding their beard hair and more time hockeying because, well, it borders on gloating at this point. Good luck, good sir!

Bruins vs. Canucks: Game 2

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[Editor's note: John Horn and Mark Atkinson were friends at Bishop's University. But then Mark went to Nova Scotia and John moved to Vancouver. Sporadically, they kept in touch over the years, but - fortunately for you, the noble readers of the Daily Gumboot - their friendship has re-discovered itself thanks to hockey. More specifically thanks to the fact that Mark loves the Boston Bruins and John loves the Vancouver Canucks. Sure, after this series they can never be friends again. But the point is that you will benefit from their being nemesises nemeses nemesoulmates nemesi each others' worst enemy! GO SPORTS!]

Re-Cap of Before

John: A re-cap of before, you say? Well, the Sedins almost scored off the opening face-off and the Canucks didn’t really look back. In spite of Boston’s 117 power play minutes in the first period the team from Vancity perservered and powered through some semi-unreal goaltending by Timmy Thomas. Assisted by his giant beard, Raffi Torres won the game just as 74% of people in the Lower Mainland eased out of their chesterfields and prepared to make mad dashes to the bathroom. Oh, and Luongo got a shutout. No big deal. And Burrows might’ve bitten someone. Kind of a big deal, but not as big as the media is making it.

But images speak louder than words (except the words of Jim Hughson):

 

Mark: Well Crap. That was a great game, more specifically, great goaltending. Thank God I left Boston Pizza before Vancouver scored and crushed my soul with 18.5 seconds remaining. I have calmed down slightly after having one of the more painful viewing experiences of my career. You see, after attending a fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity, I strolled down the hill to take up a seat in what I thought would be the friendly confines of BOSTON Pizza. I arrive to find that the bar is now being called Vancouver Pizza. I then walk in and find the bar not only packed with Vancouver fans, but the waitresses/bartenders are ALL wearing Vancouver t-shirts. As if that’s not enough, I’ve walked in to a private party for the Federation of Canadian Municipalities conference being held here in Halifax so I have to watch the game with the damn Mayor of Vancouver!!! It seems as though the stars were aligned for you whale huggers on Wednesday. As if that wasn’t enough, you had Burrows try and bite the finger off Bergeron (fingapitate?), and sent Henrik ‘Tweety Head’ Sedin to acting classes before the game. Cheater cheater pumpkin eater.

Predictions: Game 2

Mark: Saturday’s game will be a much more wide open affair. We both have awesome goalies, but even they can’t stand up to our also equally matched skilled players for much longer. I predict Alex Burrows gets his little pea-head knocked off by Chara or Lucic in the early going. Seguin’s gonna step it up and score the first goal for Boston (not necessarily the first goal of the game), which will in turn motivate the rest of the team because they’re getting shown up by a 19 year old who barely played up until a couple of weeks ago. Recchi scores the game winner and Horton adds an empty netter for the 6-4 Bruins win.

John: Destiny will continue to unfurl in favour of the Canucks. Timmy Thomas will have to be even better if he’s going to stop the telepathic twin syndrome that is/are Daniel and Henrik. They will score many goals. And, instead of high-sticking his 12-foot-high face, Ryan Kessler will skate with such fury around Zdeno Chara (who, for some inexplicable reason, I can’t look at without getting really, really angry) that Chara’s legs will become irreparably tangled. Someone will throw dentures, fangs or some other biting-related thing on the ice during the third period – this will make Glenn Healy furious. And Luongo will be as steady as my hand when Kurt Heinrich showcases his culinary and knife skills, which are comparable to the character Bishop’s knife skills from the movie Aliens. Because, like Luongo, Kurt Heinrich is a skilled professional who doesn’t let his teammates down. Final score: 3-1 Canucks.

[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]

John: For the trash talk portion of this post, I’d like to paste a gmail chat conversation between my good friend Mike and I:

10:33 PM Mike: i read your trash talk section of your post with your bruin buddy. loved your smack. fun, yet humiliating. nice tone. unfortunately, I wanted to smack your friend upside the head for saying that Manny “tried to put his eyeball through a pane of glass.” I get that he only watches the east coast teams, but that lacked class. And following that implying that his injury is his claim to fame? Weak.
10:34 PM me: I agree – Mark was outmatched.
The post on Friday will be even better, what with the biting controversy and overall underperforming of Boston.
10:35 PM Mike: Boston bites. So does Burrows.
me: Amazing!
Cut and print.
Mike: Don’t taunt the orca. You put your finger there, it gets bit.
10:36 PM solid. i’m planning to watch all the elimination games downtown on the street. gumboot should send a contingent of writers.

[Editor's note: we will send a contingent of writers - only a few will return from the melee].

Mark, you’re a great guy who’s made a few bad choices in his life, which include, but are not limited to, the following: not practicing your three-point-shot every day after school, attending Bishop’s University, that thing you did on November 12, 2000 that I can’t talk about (wow), cramming 17 people (including, I think, the Undergraduate Society President of Harvard) on a rickety balcony that was designed to hold, maybe, four people and a bag of pillows, and, of course, cheering for the Boston Bruins.

All this being said, I love you and thank you for this very entertaining segment. Bill Simmons would be proud of our wordiness!

Mark: I hate the Montreal Canadiens by default as a Bruins fan. Now I hate the Vancouver Canucks because I generally hate them. I know it’s a strong word, and the Bruins are no saints (Brad Marchand grew up 15km from here, I worked with his aunt, and I still hate the guy’s guts), but the dirty, underhanded trickery and general hideousness of your two best players makes my blood boil. The Canucks bite and dive all game and I’m pretty sure they likely kick puppies on their way home. But we have a secret weapon – Tyler Seguin and his Water Bottle of Death. Once he squirts you with his voodoo water, you will leave the game and not return, ala Dan Hamhuis. He got him good with this one, maybe enough voodoo water to keep Danny boy outta game 2.

 

Best of luck, and here’s hoping your Mayor gets the heck outta here soon because if he’s around when the Bruins win on Saturday night, my next post is going to include a picture of me in a Bruins jersey next to him with a sad look of disappointment on his pretty little face.

John: There’s some Vancouver Pizza on it’s way to you in the mail, my man – hopefully it doesn’t get caught in the strike, because it’s tasty! Also, our Mayor’s a good-looking man and kindhearted soul, ain’t he? Hard not to love that guy. He probably left Halifax with some gorgeous bike lanes and three more farmer’s markets, eh?


Going Green

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Last night some historical electioning took place in Canada. Steve got his majority. Jack Layton apparently runs Quebec. Elizabeth May represents my grandma – and 50,000 other grandmas – in Sidney and Saanich, BC. And the Liberals and Bloc Quebecois are basically the same party. In that they’re almost not actually political parties anymore.

Like I said. Historical. And this being said, Kurt Heinrich is the political wonk of this publication, so I’ll leave it to him to deliver the last word of insight into what is a clusterawesome of Canada’s new political scene.

Speaking of Kurt, he often refers to elections as his “Stanley Cup Playoffs” because, like I said, he’s a big fan of democratic nations and gets excited about an event where the winner – anyone who earns 40% of the popular vote – can govern the other 60% like a tyrant.

So, I want to talk about my Stanley Cup Playoffs. The actual Stanley Cup Playoffs. Particularly Glenn Healy and his lack of sense, humour or a sense of humour.

On Saturday, Hockey Night in Canada’s best rink-side-Pierre-McGuire-impersonator, lambasted Vancouver’s Green Guys for, well, doing what they do:

Healy called the Green Guys a “sideshow” that was using crotch-hugging spandex to distract fans from the game. And, according to the The Province’s Jason Brough, he did so with much fury, anger and misplacery. To make matters worse, the NHL has ruled that Sully and Force (the Green Guys) are no longer allowed to touch the glass near the penalty box, lest they be stripped of their spandex and made to experience a game like every other sports fan in Vancouver.

Well, I’d like to make my case for the Green Guys being true community builders. Here’s why:

1. Sun Safety Awareness and/or Superhero Style. Spider-man was/is also in possession of this wickedawesome and elusive combo that only a full body suit can bring. People like superheroes and need to be shaded from the Sun. Amazing.

2. Horrible Playful Taunting Cheering. Okay, so the Nashville Predators fans stand up for the entire third period, which is behaviour not unlike that of European football fans. Sometimes their non-kid-friendly-antics are also not unlike European football fans. We in Vancouver drink coffee and text. It’s nice to see some fellahs take spectating to ridiculous lengths for a change. It gets people excited!

3. Creativity/Dexterity. Head or hand stands are hard. So are some of the cut-out-concepts that Sully and Force bring to the games. It’s nice to see people fine their element, which is defined as the true intersection of their passion (hockey and entertainment) and talents (yoga and taunting).

You’ve done much to galvanize British Columbia’s semi-fractured community, Green Guys. Thanks! And don’t listen to Glenn Healy. He just wishes that he could do a hand stand.

So, where am I going with this? Well, tonight my wife and I are having dinner and watching the Canucks game at my aunt and uncle’s house. And I’m pretty sure that everyone there voted for different political parties last night. And I’m very sure that we all have opinions about it (after all, I keep a residence in Quebec just so I can vote for the Bloc). Needless to say, there could be some unfortunate fire and feist!

And, instead of politicas, I’ll be talking about the Green Guys controversy!

The Three Faces of Vancouver Hockey Fans

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All across British Columbia, people are waking-up with hoarse throats, headaches and the lingering smell of  strangers that they hugged and kissed in bars and living rooms around the province. Because, last night, there was some dragon-slaying going on. Or demon-purging. Or monkey-off-back-throwing. Regardless, there was reason to celebrate. I mean, the President’s Trophy Winners won the Stanley Cup a first round series against a terrible team that they were supposed to beat in four or five games.

You know what. The goal was really cool. Let’s watch it again!

But I digress…

My wife and I drifted off to sleep around midnight to the sounds of honking, yelling, whooping, wooting, and much merry-making. Again, over a first round win over a team that is, certainly, our three-year-nemesis, but is also one-and-a-half lines of awesome combined with a few punks, plugs and a guy named Scott who can barely skate.

During the near collapse of the Vancouver Canucks and the entire Lower Mainland and most of the province of British Columbia, I’ve noticed that there are quite clearly three kinds of Vancouver Canucks Hockey Fans.

1. The Die Hards. These people can name the entire team’s plus/minus – each and every year since 1971 – and probably have Mike Gillis on speed-dial.  They represent an interconnected component of the Canuck diaspora and will never ever stop supporting their team. My dad, my friend Mike Worth and my superawesome colleague, Lynne Murchie, are this type of fan.

2. The Arms-Length Informed Temperamental Cynic. This type of fan can probably name 90% of the current roster, can articulate the icing rule and knows what causes a player to be offside. Oh, and we’re hyper-critical of players and the mistakes they make. [Editor's note: personally, I yell at Alex Burrows when he skates into the opposing team's zone offside because when I play in the NHL I never skate into the opposing team's zone offside or miss penalty shots after being rammed into a goal-post. NEVER. And that's why I can judge professional athletes]. I am this  kind of Canuck fan. And my ilk lead the charge in throwing Roberto Luongo, the Sedins, Kessler, or whoever made the last mistake under the bus. The awesome guy at the table next to me last night – beige shirt, black-rimmed glasses, dirty blond hair, hilarious – was this kind of fan, too.

3. West Coast Casual. “I think our team needs faster skaters” or “Who’s our backup goalie? Is he good?” or “Why does everyone keep cheering?! I can’t hear my friend on my cell phone – you know what? I’ll just keep texting them” or “That game was awesome!!! Let’s get wasted and riot downtown!!!” might be phrases overheard from these fans. Or you might not hear them at all, because they have tickets to games – if the Canucks are cool and going to games is cool, then the West Coast Casual Fans know that being cool means, well, getting a jersey, putting your $6,000 jacket over top of it and  heading to the game to do some serious texting about how you’re at the game – and don’t show up very often.

Here’s the point. A study by the Recent Findings Institute found that approximately 92.4% of Canucks fans come from Categories Two and Three (above). We are a temperamental, cynical and casual bunch – not unlike the climate and coffee and corporate cultures here in The ‘Couve. We have some maturing to do as a sports town. Having high expectations of a team is one thing, but abandoning them every time things don’t go our way and then celebrating a triumph over a terrible team with drunken hooting and parading into the wee hours of the morning is as downright embarrassing as it is schizophrenic. We need to grow-up.

Oh, and one final thought. We’re now playing a team with great, supportive fans from a city that puts absolutely no pressure on their team or their horrible jerseys. As the Vancouver Canucks try to channel their barfy, nervited energy into victory, the Nashville Predators will chuckle at their ridiculous name and relax because, hey, it’s only the second round of the playoffs…

Do some yoga and simmer down, Vancouver. It’s not time to celebrate…yet…

Rooting Through Americana and Canuckiness

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Blaine Bombers vs. White Rock Leafs

Blaine Bombers vs. White Rock Icemen

While I’m sure that there’s no shortage of American ex-pats sharing their harrowing stories of assimilating to Canadian life, I feel compelled to toss my Uncle Sam Wants You top-hat into the virtual ring. However, rather than complain about the cost of beer and cheese–which is the crux of any conversation between Americans living here, trust me—I’d rather focus on the ways I’m uniting with my new countrymen. Sports, I’ve found, have a large role to play; because much like baseball and hockey, our two lands are similar, but not at all the same.

Super Bowl: Something For Everyone. Even you Pete Townshend.

With the largest North American sports spectacle looming over the horizon (it’s the Recently Ravaged Metropolis vs. America’s Intersection!) I’ve been thinking about Super Bowls from years past and how getting together for that game has always transcended what happens on the field. People in the States have chosen a football game, perhaps the only one they’ll watch all year, as a way to precipitate feasting, drinking, socializing and celebrating. Some vicariously celebrate a place in the spotlight, but most are joyous about simply getting together and eating foodstuffs that they regret long after the trophy is hoisted.

So, with this being my first Super Bowl since getting settled in Canada, I’ve been wondering whether the gentle citizens north of the 49th Parallel would balk at my suggestion of getting together to watch the game and participate in a “heaviest nacho” competition. Is my expectation for an orgy of excess on February 7th simply another ugly American trapping that I have to eschew as part of my path to Canuckdom? I have several reasons for hoping that it isn’t (beyond the fervent belief that everyone loves a Bacon Explosion).

Now, I’m not going to trot out that tired old saw and wax on about sport’s role in the “harmonious development of man…[and] promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity.” (Thanks Olympic Charter!) Instead, my reasons for believing that Canadians will make room in their hearts for both the Grey Cup and the Lombardi Trophy begin with two other sports that I think illustrate the similar yet separate trajectories of our cultures. I call my theory the “Hockey Equals Baseball Hypothesis.”

Hockey = Baseball – Teeth; Baseball = Hockey + Obesity

As a sports lover, and—modestly—a fairly perceptive fellow, I’ve noticed that the game of hockey is prrrrreeety popular up here. And that’s strange to me because the game seems impossible to follow, full of a mastery I can’t appreciate, and lacking compelling drama in everyday games. Canadians, I’ve noticed, are shocked and outraged by my indifference to the game, and rather than just shrug it off, I totally understand where they’re coming from. You see, I think most Canadians feel exactly the same way about baseball. And I love baseball.

Brothers From Another Mother??

Brothers From Another Mother??

After doing some thinking and weathering incredulous Canadian jeers, I’ve come to the opinion that at the core, hockey and baseball have more similarities than differences. Speed, difficulty, and excitement aside, I see each sport capturing the same mix of nostalgia, nationalism, and community. I think that, more than any other sport, both Canadians and Americans pour a bit of themselves into these “national games” and in doing so, they build important links to the past and each other. Moreover, many of us grow up with these sports playing a central role in our maleable years. We endure an oftentimes humilating rite of passage by playing in Peewee and Little League games, and we get that first sweet taste of independence (often taking the shape of sno-cones) by wandering with packs of friends around the rink or at dusk outside the diamond. In many ways, our interactions with these sports in particular get packaged together and form some small part of our inner personal experience, for better or worse.

Sports as a Mirror and Magnet

Now, I’m not suggesting that these games are part of the lifeblood for all Canadians and Americans, but as we grow up and decide to either become fans or not, the mythology of hockey and baseball persists. Reinforced by the weight of culture and yore, Americans and Canadians are surrounded by stimuli linking these sports to our national identities. The faded photos and reverential tones for past legends (or even the fact that retired athletes are called “legends”) ensure that a certain familiarity with the sports becomes public knowledge, generation after next. The experience of attending a game is something we’re excited to do, partly because we hope to participate in something remarkable but also because it’s something decidedly “American” or “Canadian” to do. There’s an especially strong community in a ballpark or on the ice, and we feel good plugging into it.

The fact that baseball and hockey are difficult things for outsiders—even sports enthusiasts—to understand and enjoy illustrates my point. Divorced from the gravitas that each sport carries in its “home” country, the slow pace of the game, or difficulty following the puck, become true hindrances instead of afterthoughts. But my current difficulties with hockey do not discourage me. Much like the bacchanalia surrounding the Superbowl, we use these sports not just to root for a team but also as a way to strengthen our connections with neighbours. So, I’ll happily trade my knowledge of a save situation for an explanation of what exactly constitutes icing over a plate of deep-fried Snickers any day.

Post Script

In my research I found that there’s a shared etymology among some baseball/hockey terms. For example, striking out four times in a single baseball game is dubbed a “golden sombrero,” which was derived from hockey’s “hat trick.” (The rationale being that a four-strikeout performance merits a larger and more embarrassing hat.) Interestingly, striking out five times in a single game is labeled the “Olympic Rings.” I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Hockey Community Faces a Strike

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This evening will be an interesting one. The seamless “community” of sports fans, hockey players, managers, and GM vendors has been shattered by the breakdown of negotiations between unionized GM workers and the arena. Despite this, the games must go on – and they will.

When fans arrive tonight, they will likely see several hundred (of the seven hundred) unionized workers picketing outside the game between the Canucks and the LA Kings.

Will they be blocking the gates and effecting the overall hockey community? Will you have to cross a picket line to get to your seats? Apparently not.

According to UNITE HERE Local 40 organizers, workers want people to enjoy the game, just not enjoy any of the overpriced drinks and food they normally shovel in during a match.

Hit Aramark Management (the concession oweners) in the pocket book but not the fans. The BC Fed will even be passing out peanuts to symbolize the wages these workers get relative to other “workers” in the arena. That’s the way to demand a better cut and martial a strike to make a point without any collateral damage on citizens.