The East African Douchebag

The Daily Gumboot team is more than convinced that the population of douchebags is higher in East Africa than any other part of the world. Well, the inhabitants of East Africa exhibit a combination of sophistication and traditional behaviours except for a few wannabes who’s lifestyles is a true imitation of the glorified Hollywood stars. While the bigger percentage of East African are extremely jovial and interesting, Hospitable and indeed fascinating, a few are extremely irritating, disgusting and serial imitators. We cannot forget how Clint Eastwood the famous American Actor, composer and film star influenced Kenyan bad boys and rapper wannabbes with his 1983 Sudden Impact Movie.  In an effort to identify with Hollywood stars, Kenwood wannabes borrowed a line from Clint Eastwood and the controversial Makmende was born.

Makmende is a glorified mid – twenties trendy lad who dons afro hair style and belly bottom trousers that sweep the streets of Nairobi better than the city council brooms! Single men hate him because he is a guy who will unapologetically and fearlessly date your girlfriend, your friends’ fiancé and neighbour’s daughter at the same day, at the same time, just at different venues! Professors call him genius, while the villagers believe he is an outcast. They have accused him of impregnating a high school girl by just standing next to her!  It is claimed that when Makmende was in high school, the school Principal used to wash his shirts and brush his shoes! He was a ruthless bully to the administration and a hero to the helpless.

Just a band http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mG1vIeETHc&NR=1 featured Makmende in their hit song Ha-He and within a few days, Makmende was the hottest item on Facebook and Twitter. CNN investigative journalists where extremely shocked by how controversial Makmende was. They recently released shocking revelations collected from Kenyans who tried to explain who Makmende is:

  1. Makmende can die and read his own eulogy.
  2. Makmende will never be allowed in McDonald\s…it’s a conflict of interest!
  3. Makmende once visited the British Virgin Islands. They are now known just as the British Islands….
  4. Makmende is so huge, he can’t fit in Wikipedia
  5. Obama insists Makmende is his young brother. He has ordered DNA test after Makmende disagreed.
  6. Only makmende can pocket when he is naked.
  7. Makmende can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
  8. Makmende is a disgusting douchbag; he uses Viagra as his eye drops just to look hard.
  9. When he was born he cut his own umbilical cord!!!!!
  10. Moulder and Scully tried to investigate Makmende, thats why the X Files were completely sealed.
  11. Makmende is the only one who can walk to hell and the devil says “OMG”
  12. When Makmende’ sister lost her virginity, he found it and gave it back to her!

Do you agree with the first part of number 8? Have I found a douchebag in Africa?

Thank you.

This has been a profile of the East African Douchebag by Martin Muli who is not yet a douchebag!

K’Naan’s Cultural Olympiad

knaanpub1My birthday is coming up (it’s Saturday, February 27 and thanks so much for the card, by the by) and you can imagine my surprise when my Special Lady, Michelle, told me we were going to see K’Naan at the Orpheum Theatre. Needless to say, I was pretty darn excited.

Brief tangent: if you haven’t taken in a show or cultural event at the Orpheum, please do it soon. The place is as spectacular as it is intimate.

I will venture a guess and assume that 72% of visitors to this online news magazine know about K’Naan. Whether you do or not, the 10 minute video below acts as a pretty darn amazing introduction to one of the world’s most important artists. Enjoy!

Full disclosure. K’Naan is a sell out. Or so a handful of mangey protestors argued as thousands of fans excitedly lined up to see a young man who defines himself as “made in Somalia and raised in Toronto.” Recently, K’Naan signed a lucrative contract with corporate up-and-comer, Coca Cola – some folks argue this goes against his truly humbling, authentic, “man of the people” image. I will admit, combining a Coca Cola sponsorship with a stopover at the Olympics (the Cultural Olympiad is sponsored by Bell) amid chatter that artists are being “muzzled” by sponsors complicated my shining opinion of K’Naan.

When the protestors approached Michelle, though, things weren’t so complicated. Her argument went like this: Look. I’m not saying that you don’t have a point. But really, at the end of the day, K’Naan’s message is positive, empowering and inspiring. Through his songs he tells a story of forgiveness, respect, tolerance, and hope. Why wouldn’t we want this message to spread through any means possible, reaching individuals it otherwise would not have? Coke is powerful – take the example of GreenPeace, who tried for 15 years to have greener refridgeration technology approved in Canada. Coca Cola, in an attempt to be more environmentally sustainable, was able to get their climate-friendly vending machines and coolers approved for use in Canada in just one year, in time for the 2010 Olympics – opening the door for approval of green refridgerators and coolers. Instead of working against the man, it is often so much more effective to work with the man to effect change.

Michelle and I, being superawesome nerds, developed an evaluation rubric for the concert based on four categories – each category is worth five points. Here we go:

Edutainment

A good amount (like, 30) of parents brought their kids to the concert. In the lineup – amidst the inarticulate, yet passionate, protestors – I struck up a conversation with a little one (and her dad, because I’m not creepy) about the concert ahead. She said she was excited because her class watched a documentary about what K’Naan is doing in East Africa to raise awareness about women’s rights, child labour/poverty and the overall plight of people who live in “the hardest place on Earth.” He also told powerful stories and shook his ass like a maniac. Recent findings show kids love stuff like that.

Final Score: 5/5.

Dancibility

Rap concerts suck. There. I said it. Unless an artist has Timbaland mixin his pop-fresh beats live on stage, well, it all just sounds like muffled talking to the thump-thump of the base. And people can’t really dance to such sounds. Especially white people. And, let’s be honest about the crowd, this was/is Vancouver. But this was not a rap concert. It was a delightful hybird of rock/hip-hop/spoken word/stand up comedy with interludes of musical poetry. Whether he was whispering quietly to the audience or “lighting this mutherf*ckin’ joint” everybody could dance…to the best of their ability.

Final Score: 4/5

Creativity

Still moved by K’Naan’s amazing, humbling ability to wear his heart on his sleeve, this concert truly ran the gamut of sensation: from the hilarious and ridiculous to the tragically sad. Few people on this planet can honestly live up to the title of “Rapper, Poet, Philosopher, Storyteller, and Rock Star” – if he were the kind of guy to have business cards, K’Naan would have the best ones ever.

Final Score: 6/5

Authenticity

Here’s the deal. Sell-out or not, the part of the concert when K’Naan told the feeble VANOC official that he’s “not finished playing” – whether this came about because of his “mood” or his penchent for counterculture or his subscribing to African Time, this part of the show was delightfully authentic. I was not without my reservations, as K’Naan needlessly name-dropped Bob Marley and, to all the fans out there, here’s a piece of advice: when someone is singing/talking about their dead childhood girlfriend who left this world in the most terrible of circumstances, well, it’s not supercool to cheer about it. Idiots. Finally, Coke-fueled or not, seeing that many people sing to Wavin Flag was the most authentic thing I’ve seen during these Olympics. Building community through music? Check! Well done, K’Naan.

Final Score: 5/5

With a total score of 20/20 it’s pretty clear that K’Naan rocked the Orpheum. More importantly, though, in a world where most of us have lost faith in business – just ask Roger Martin, Dean of the Rotman School of Management – perhaps it’s not such a bad thing to have K’Naan, a poetic champion of the people, as a collaborator with the biggest business on Earth. After all, change takes a community…

- Written by The Bornks!