An Apocalypse Planning Guide

According to the Mayan calendar, we have 329 days until the end of the world.  If you haven’t started planning yet (nothing like a “DEADline”), I’ve started to put together a planning guide of things to do to get ready for the impending disaster that will ensue.

Check something (if not many things off) your bucket list.
Our time on earth is limited.  We all have lots of things we would like to do someday but it is so easy to let the routine of busy schedules get in the way.  If you don’t have a bucket list of things that you want to do someday, make one, and then prioritize a couple of things that you can do this year.  It will help with the mental preparation for the end of the world if you know that you have a few less things outstanding.

Explore apocalyptic/dystopian scenarios through novels and film.
While the earlier debate in this series of computers vs. zombies may have you convinced of how the end will come, it seems to me that there are lots of other options for how the world could end.  It could be a flood, it could be a nuclear winter, it could be a plague, it could be World War III, or it could just be the end of the world as we know it with corporations, governments, the media, and/or all of humanity changing how we live in terrible, horrific ways.  Thankfully, the human imagination has explored countless scenarios already through the genre of dystopian novels and film, and even has the sub-genre specializing in apocalypse.  Wikipedia has compiled extensive summary, so check out a few to see what we might be in for.

Prepare a community asset map.
When the apocalypse comes, you will not be alone.  You need to look around you to think about how your community will cope.  And this shouldn’t be an exercise in who is the best candidate to be the “Piggy” on your island.  Instead, I would suggest that through your networks and neighbourhood there are many strengths and opportunities that you haven’t yet discovered.  You need to look around you in a positive way to maximize your chances during the apocalypse and work together to leverage the skills, knowledge and resources that are on hand or can be developed.

Develop outdoor skills.
While the world is ending, odds are food, water, energy, transportation and many of the other things that we enjoy in our everyday lives will stop being as readily available to us.  Plus zombies tend to congregate in urban centres. One of the best ways to prepare for this is to head outside and start learning skills like building fires, sleeping outside, purifying water, traveling by human power (hiking, skiing, canoeing), and protecting food stores from wildlife.

Begin a physical training program.
It might come down to survival of the fittest, so a key part of apocalypse preparation should be physical conditioning (as tempting as it might be to live on a diet of beer and cheese the last couple of months).  You might need to doing some outrunning, some climbing, or some squeezing into awkward spaces if you want to survive. So the generally recommended mix of cardio, strength and flexibility training is likely a good baseline for end of the world preparation. Zombies are slow, but persistent, so focus on endurance training.

Pack an apocalypse emergency kit.
Most of us aren’t even ready with a 72 hour emergency kit that the federal government recommends for natural disasters.  So that isn’t a bad place to start and there is already a great Gumboot post on this.  Since we don’t know how it is going to go down, it would likely pay to have the kit remain fairly light weight and portable in case you need to be on the move.  The bonus is that it shouldn’t be prohibitively expensive and if you already have camp gear most of it can play double duty. Thinks about adapting this kit to include tools practical to both dig gardens and for zombie defense.

Have a plan for December 21.
A combination apocalypse and solstice calls for special plans.  Whether it is a grand party or more low key celebration, you should do have something to do that day to keep you busy up until the end, however it might come.  It is a great chance for reflection, celebration, and exploration of the potential if tomorrow does somehow come.  And most importantly, a time to feast and share.

And in the off chance that the Mayans were wrong, by using this list you still have done something you’ve always wanted to do, explored a genre of literature and film, got to know the strengths and potential of your community, are in better shape, explored the great outdoors, have an emergency kit on hand, and had the great party.  Not a bad way to spend 2012.

When I Turn 90 I Will Have…

Courtesy of Jasonb42882, Flickr

On Saturday, the Horn Family migrated to the seaside retirement town of Sidney – where, recent findings show, everyone’s grandmother lives. And we were there to celebrate the 90th birthday of my grandma, Virginia Horn.

One of our family’s traditions is to honour such life-benchmarks with storytelling – the activity is pretty darn simple: the honoury (Grandma Horn) sits in the middle of the room and is inspired/embarrassed by stories about their impact on the world.

The stories were very touching. And the party was superfun (speaking of fun, here’s a fun fact about senior citizens: they love salty things…and pickles).

During the car ride back to my sister’s house (in Victoria), I asked my family what they hoped to achieve by the time they turned 90. And, of course, my grandmother’s milestone got me thinking about what I want to achieve by February 2071.

Now. I’m all about goal setting, so here is a list of what I will accomplish by my 90th Birthday:

  • Found and run a non-profit.
  • Take Michelle to Europe and also live abroad with our family for a few years.
  • Provide our children with unique – and possibly hilarious – names.
  • Provide said hilariously-named children with the skills needed to thrive/survive in the world/post-apocalyptic-hellscape-managed-by-robot-overlords.
  • Create and perform a stand-up comedy set.
  • Host a talk-show (even if it’s one that’s shot and cut by Theo and stars our friends).
  • Write a novel.
  • Become a sought-after keynote speaker on the topics of community, work, learning, and/or pirates.
  • Watch my child/children perform and/or play at something that feeds their soul.
  • Collaboratively plant and grow an awesome garden with my family that accounts for 30-50% of our food-intake depending on the time of the year.
  • Travel from London to Outer Mongolia in a >$3,000 car with Kurt Heinrich and anyone else stupid brave enough to come with us.
  • Save the last polar bear. Contemplate cross-breeding it with a Grizzly Bear. The offspring will be called a “pizzly” cub, which eventually grows up to be a “grolar” bear.
  • Learn basic “man” skills, such as carpentry, plumbing and small engine repairs.
  • Become the president of a college or university.
  • Learn another language (I bet I could go far with Mandarin).
  • Make my own cheese.
  • Eat my own cheese.
  • Design and commission a full corduroy suit, including shirt, socks, underwear, and shoes.
  • Whatever the next bungee-jumping or hang-gliding or skydiving thing is, I’m going to do that. Let’s call whatever this might be spacefire dive-gliding!
  • Interview at least three real pirates.
  • Master Italian pasta sauces.
  • Cure hipsterism with seemingly ironic messaging about positive change and, generally, caring about things/people.
  • Inspire positive change in the world.
  • Collect no fewer than 192,835 stories for my grandchildren; invent 34,942 additional stories.
  • Earn the reputation of a respected rebel who inspired communities with fun and creativity to achieve positive results in possibly impossible circumstances.

So, what do you hope to have accomplished by your 90th birthday?