Author Archives: John Horn

A Community of Madness – Round 2

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[Editor's note: people, the Editor-in-Chief of this blog loves basketball, higher education, community, competition, and when they all slam together in a mess of cheers, tears, body-paint, over-achievement, and ridiculously awesome excitingly uncontrollable hyperboles. Exclamation point! Over the next three weeks, John and his American-import-possibly-mustached-BFF, Alex Grant, will engage in witticisms and precarious predictions pertaining to the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. As players, teams, schools, regions, bank accounts, pundits, pride, and - yes - nations collide, you will get a true sense of what the March Madness community really means. Enjoy!]

akeg / flickr - Alex and John took things too far...

LET’S RE-CAP THE MADNESS | Round 1

JOHN: Well, it was a record-tying weekend. Only once before have teams seeded 11-15 done so well. In fact, two 15-seeds (Norfolk State and Lehigh) upset their second-seeded opponents (Duke and Missouri). And there was much rejoicing by the communities of those former two schools. Well done, fightin’ sports teams! And “go college!”

As for this little pool, well, my bracket isn’t broken, but it’s not not broken, either. While only one of my final four teams have fallen, I suffered a lot of damage within my “interior bracket” – this may or may not have been a word that I just made up (patent-pending, John Horn 2012). Vanderbilt going down to the stifling defense and sweet shooting of Wisconsin hurt, yes, but I still have my dealbreaker, Kansas, in the mix and they demonstrated nerves of steel and wily cunning as they ousted Alex’s beloved Purdue on Sunday (I heaved a great sigh of relief when they did, too).

Canadian Alert!!!

Wow. Brady Heslip is a fairly unassuming fellow. At least he was fairly unassuming until going 7/10 from three point range and almost single-handidly making Buffalos extinct in the state of Colorado. Now he’s King of Baylor and Burlington, Ontario.

Finally, congratulations to the state of Ohio. Your teams went 8-0 last weekend and that’s pretty darn great.

eliduke / flickr

ALEX: [Editor's note: as of press time, Alex Grant's 4,000 words were not filed - we can only assume that he is managing at least 453 social media channels through one integrated dashboard or making prank phone calls to Brady Heslip every five minutes and this is why he missed the deadline. Alex, next time just use Robocalls!]

LET’S MAKE BOLD PREDICTIONS

ALEX: [Editor's note: see above above].

Alex's Picks - injured bracket

JOHN: I predict that Marquette will go down in the kind of flames that are typically reserved for metaphorical descriptions of what Donald Trump’s political career goes down in. Zing! My main man Evan “The Heavy” Ferris – somehow - predicted that Florida would make it, I think, to the Final Four. Well, I don’t think they’re going that far, but they’re going to take down Marquette in the Sweet 16. Well played, Ev.

John's Picks - injured bracket

The time has come for the number ones, too. And I also predict that Wisconsin is going to beat Syracuse and, here’s the big one, that Baylor is going to dispatch Kentucky. Here’s my Final Four:

  • Baylor
  • Michigan State
  • Kansas
  •  Wisconsin Ohio State Cincinnati Ohio State

danny wild / flickr

LET’S SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT EACH OTHER

JOHN: Over the past couple of days I’ve been saying things like “three of my four teams are still in it” and “I’m doing waaaaaaayyyy better in my other bracket” – one of these statements is true. Do you know what else is true? Here’s a truism: Alex Grant is a gentleman and a scholar who not only throws great parties, but who also counts cooking, style and immaculate facial hair construction among his world-changing professional toolkit. You are a god amongst men and, well, you have three teams left in this game as well. Good luck, good sir!

Robin, well played. You clearly have the best strategy. None of my grand pappies went to college, though, so it was hard to pick the closest thing to a fishing boat off the coast of Newfoundland. Wait…was that Ulysses guy from thousands of years ago an Athenian or a Spartan? Because I think he was my great x 20 uncle.

And Michelle, well, you invested a bit too heavily in Duke stock this year.

ALEX: [Editor's note: I like to think that, at this time, Alex would celebrate his special lady's accomplishment as well as commend John for doing his best Alex Grant impression and/or hypothesizing where Alex might be right now ... prank calling Brady Heslip].

MICHELLE & ROBIN WILL PROBABLY WIN

acaben / flickr

MICHELLE: Well, this is unpredictable fun. You never know what’s gonna happen. Take Duke, for example. Who could’ve seen that coming? [Editor's note: John saw it coming]. I hope that there’s not another upset like that. Go UNC!

In conclusion, I hate March Madness and am sad that my bracket is broken. I don’t understand how my logical and data-driven selection criteria failed me. Needless to say, this – more than anything else, ever – has me re-thinking the very principles of what I call “community”.

Michelle's Picks - broken bracket

ROBIN: [Editor's note: this is the very hilarious transcript of a conversation between Robin and John very early this morning. Oh, and she's winning our pool]:

Robin: Hi John. This is the first I’ve heard about a second post from me.  I’m pretty busy at work today, and I don’t think I’ll have time to jot anything down.  I’m so sorry for whatever part I played in dropping the ball here (haha?)  Please let me know how you would like me to proceed. Thanks. Robin.

John: Do you have your bracket all marked up? Because I can just post it. And no worries, I’ll take care of the words!

Robin: I don’t….I don’t even know where my bracket is. And I haven’t been paying attention so I don ‘t even know how I’m doing! That’s my whole MO with this march madness thing. I can try to recreate it when i get home tonight. Let me know if you want me to do that. 

[Editor's note: this is pretty great, right?]

Robin's Picks - winning

A Community of Madness – Round 1

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[Editor's note: people, the Editor-in-Chief of this blog loves basketball, higher education, community, competition, and when they all slam together in a mess of cheers, tears, body-paint, over-achievement, and ridiculously awesome excitingly uncontrollable hyperboles. Exclamation point! Over the next three weeks, John and his American-import-possibly-mustached-BFF, Alex Grant, will engage in witticisms and precarious predictions pertaining to the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. As players, teams, schools, regions, bank accounts, pundits, pride, and - yes - nations collide, you will get a true sense of what the March Madness community really means. Enjoy!]

toddwickersty / flickr creative commons

Let’s Set-up The Madness

JOHN: This is the third time that my March BFF, Alex Grant, and I have written about our experience with March Madness, the greatest sporting event in the history of the world (yes, I’m including gladiatorial “games” and the archery tournament from Robin Hood).

We did it in 2010 and 2011, too. Both times were amazing. Just like this time. Amazing.

So, why do I love the NCAA 64-team-single-elimination-Men’s-Basketball-Tournament so much? Here’s why:

1. There is always a possibility that two “Wildcats” or “Bulldogs” will play each other. Rarely do two teams with the same mascot name compete in any professional sports league* worth its salt, which is too bad, because it’s hilarious.

*[Editor's note: Somehow the unique and pro-Roosevelt (Teddy, not FDR) mascot name "Roughriders" was used by two teams in the, like, six-team Canadian Football League. This is also hilarious].

2. European Football Hooliganism Spirit in North America. In the Supporter’s Pledge of my Vancouver Whitecaps FC 2012 Season Tickets book, I have been asked to play my part for the team by “deafening our visitors by joining in our club’s chants, songs, and shouts” and “making our home pitch a fortress; a place no visitor wants to play” and “blinding our opponents with a sea of white jerseys, caps, scarves, and flags.” The simple fact that the fans of March Madness, unlike fans in any of the professional sports on this continent (except, ironically, soccer fans), paint their bodies, stand up for the entire game, sing songs, and take things too far when it comes to challenging the opposition is the realization of something special in their communities. And remember, people, keep it positive!

3. Anything* can happen! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: 19 year olds frequently cave under the immense pressure of having 20 million people watch them break a full-court press with their team is up by one point with 45 seconds to go and your mom is yelling at you to shoot but your coach is, like, “work it for one shot!” and then your special lady, she’s, like, “I love you, baby” but all you can think about is how to accurately describe how the French Revolution started because it’s the topic of your history paper and you need at least a 72 to pass the class and you have a job interview for an internship with Rebuild the Dream and holy crap I’m being triple-teamed and I’m 5’10″ and they’re so big and they fouled me and oh my buddha I have to hit two free throws, which would usually be fine, because I’m money, but I can’t stop thinking about how Napoleon was also 5’10″ and now my mom is yelling at the coach and – gulp – here we go…

*[Editor's note: "Anything" never really happens; only once in the last, like, 30 years has a team ranked below fifth made it to the Final Four. Still, ridiculous and unpredictable things always happen. Like Alex choosing Purdue (ridiculous) and whether or not he will have submitted his 500 words by Wednesday (unpredictable)].

ALEX: Dearest John. Can you smell the energy? Do you feel the faint thrumming in your fingertips? The extra bit of pressure in your accelerating pulse? That’s the Madness my friend. It’s steaming down the track, furnaces blasting, and it’s nearly here.

YES! It’s true. Somehow it’s another year, and somehow, it’s March. I don’t know how either of these things happened. In fact, if I hadn’t seen your bombastic antics up close and personal at our mutual friend Kurt Lambreich’s wedding, I might have even forgotten our deep burning rivalry. But worry not my friend, for I am here to do battle in the brackets for another year. And this time, I have devised a plan so fiendishly flawless, so breathtakingly brilliant, and so stupefyingly strategic that I am guaranteed to take home the gold-plated trident we use as a trophy.

markfive / flickr creative commons

Let’s Make (Bold) Predictions

ALEX: In years past, my results in this battle of wits, patriotism, and athleticism (NB: no actual athletics required) have been like an undersized, 3-shooting, midmajor team named the Fightin Windexes. That is to say, I’ve been streaky.

But this year, all that is about to change. And because you’re powerless to stop me, Horn, I’ll even tell you why.

Number 1: Karma. Because last year held such miserable results for my favored sports teams (Purdue eliminated by VCU, Twins imploded and blew up the core team, Canucks crushed all my hockey dreams, and the Saints ended up being contract assassins) I am now due for a bracket run of epic proportions. It’s science.

Number 2: Good omens. Just yesterday, I noticed that the interior light in my car has started working again after I thought it was burned out. And last week, someone who owed me a dinner that I had completely forgotten about gave me 10 bucks. These are both pretty sweet scores, but they’re also something more. They’re harbingers of my coming success in our match of the ages.

Number 3: By far the most important part and keystone of my bulletproof strategy, I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I have worked hard to remain complete ignorant of all subtleties in the college game this year. I will be picking based on raw gut instincts alone. I don’t know if an Iona is a basketball team or a charged atomic particle.  I’m not even sure if John Calipari is still coaching with a court-ordered electronic monitoring bracelet around his ankle. Your fancy “insider knowledge” will be your undoing, much as it has been mine for the past three years.

Alex's Picks

JOHN: Well, I did something strategic awesome hilarious pretty stupid right from the start. Last year, Michelle won our four-way-pool (Alex, John, Michelle, and Old Man Dean) by applying this formula:

hilarity of team name x 64[( jersey colour - symbiosis of mascot) - (affiliation during the Civil War - size of English Lit. department)] + “your gut” ÷ MADNESS = The Duke Blue Devils.

Yeah, I wish I was joking. It wasn’t even close. She won like Charlie Sheen. Anyway, I didn’t go so far as to use math this time, but I did go so far as to use words. One word in particular, actually. And that word is “State”. For the first round I have selected every team with “State” in their name as my winners. Is this logical? Yes No. Will it help my chances? Yes No Probably. For you see, readers and fans, any good March Madness bracket needs to be sprinkled with some gut feelings and incredulity and a team from Nashville that some guy on the television yelled about yesterday in a super-convincing way.

John's picks

My big upset for the first weekend will happen when West Virginia muscles over Ohio St. Other than that, it’s pretty clear that the Canadians on New Mexico State will power past Indiana and Long Beach State (also powered by Canada) will eek out a victory against Los Lobos. It goes without saying that the underrated powerhouse that is South Dakota State will trounce the overrated Baylor Bears. As for the State vs. State first-round-battle, I’m obviously picking Murray State (basically playing at home) to blow-out Colorado State and then roll through Marquette like Kurt Heinrich rolls through defenders on the soccer field or through butter that he puts on his, um, rolls for din- shoot … I was in trouble a quarter of the way through that double metaphor!

Oh, and Purdue will be out in the first round, Alex, and Kansas will beat Michigan State in the final.

Go Vanderbilt!

Fire At Will / Flickr Creative Commons

[INSERT TRASH TALK HERE]

JOHN: This gets harder and harder every year because, Alex, you’re such a sweetheart of a man who makes great choices when it comes to food, community and women, but poor choices when it comes to basketball. Oh, and Cranium – an ingenious Canadian invention  – is more of a sport and a game than your national pastime, NASCAR elections militarism baseball.

Oh, and I miss you and think/know you’re great and am lucky to share this experience with you, good sir.

ALEX: Now, every year we reserve this space to trot out the same old saws about why I’m really great and you’re really loud. Well this year, things are a bit different. I’ve seen you carve a Turducken one handed, and you’ve seen me belt out November Rain. We both know what the other is capable of. So I respectfully tip my jaunty cap, and suggest that we join forces against our better halves, who are always winning this thing anyway. What say you? Can we overcome our Shakespearian love/hatred to best our loved ones at reading the bracket tea leaves? Probably not, eh?

[Editor's note: he said "eh?"! Feud averted!]

Robin and Michelle Will Probably Win

MICHELLE: This year, my formula is an even simpler one. Here is what I took into consideration:

1. The livableness of the city, because the more healthy and livable the community then the players will do better.

2. How awesome the fans are totally determines how pumped-up and excited the players will be; my research shows that pumped-up players perform better, especially when they live in a healthy, happy and vibrant community.

3. I’m all about underdog teams that have a chance of winning, like North Carolina! I’m kidding. Like Murray State!!! [Editor's note: about halfway through her selecting John may or may not have had to explain what "the numbers next to each team" meant].

4. Bonus points for any team from a state where I know someone (my friend Caroline went to Layola).

Consequently, the winner will be North Carolina. Haha, my friend’s name is almost Carolina!

Michelle's Picks

ROBIN: Well, Alex has finally wised up and decided to apply an age-old rule to his March Madness picks: the woman is always right. Yep, you got it, Alex stole my strategy. This year, Alex has correctly identified the winning strategy as knowing “ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.” He says, “I have worked hard to remain completely ignorant of all subtleties in the college game this year. I will be picking based on raw gut instincts alone.” But where did he come by that strategy? Me. As evidence, I’ve selected a few key passages from my “chitter chatter,” which appeared on this esteemed blog March 16, 2011.

My first point of advice last year was, “Don’t, under any circumstances, take the bracket seriously.  Over-thinking is enemy #1.  Think to yourself: ‘Geez, this is really dumb.’ and  ‘Who cares?’”  And second, I shared, “Above all else, go with personal affiliation and INSTINCT.  Is your great-great-grandpappy an Akron Zip? They’re in.”

These words speak for themselves.  However, I take this blatant violation of my intellectual property in stride.  This year it’s a battle of instincts.   Too bad for Alex that women are better than men at that too.

Robin's Picks

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And that was 2,000 words of awesome!

Who will have better March Madness Predictions?

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Whitecaps FC Community Asset Review – Part 1

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Editors’ note: Kurt and John are firm believers that Vancouver can and should be the Canadian epicenter for growing the sport and culture of soccer football soccer. This is a self-described healthy community. We can play outside year-round, as fields are rarely closed due to snow and/or freezing. And, most importantly, Vancouver is the place to expertly develop the sport of soccer because our city’s team, Vancouver Whitecaps FC, shares this goal and so demonstrates this vision through its Club Structure and the Whitecaps Foundation, which aims to create the fittest generation of BC Youth by 2020.

As Vancouver Whitecaps FC season ticket holders, Kurt and John are well-positioned to evaluate how the franchise showcases its commitment to “be a significant community asset” – so, following every match we will reflect on this commitment by answering two questions. Here they are:

How is the team a significant community asset?

Well, the ‘Caps beat the Impact 2-0 and you should read the wise words of my main man Simon Fudge for all the great details.

As this is the first post about the first game, well, I’ll keep it short and sweet. Vancouver Whitecaps FC demonstrated its role as a significant community asset by the way the team brought together people of different shapes, sizes, cultures, ages, neighbourhoods, and (kinda) socio economic statuses to enjoy a spirited match of very good soccer played by men from dozens of communities around the world.

Any time thousands of people high-five each other, sing songs together and embrace an opportunity to meet new people the event that makes this happen is an asset to our community. And this was the scene at Bell Pitch at Telus Stadium in BC Place on Saturday. And it was a beautiful thing.

What BIG IDEA will make the club an even better asset?

Here’s the idea: break the BMO Banking/Sponsorship hegemony!

BMO is “the official bank and a proud fan of Vancouver Whitecaps FC” and one of the club’s founding partners. The bank is also hedging its bets in terms of MLS support, as its logo adorns the uniforms of both the Montreal Impact and Toronto FC. Further, Toronto FC plays at BMO Field. So, is BMO really a proud fan of the Whitecaps? Or is the company just a proud fan of strategic cross-marketing opportunities?

Vancouver is a different kind of franchise in a different kind of city, which is why our recommendation for this week is for Vancouver Whitecaps FC to strategically align itself with Vancity Credit Union. One particular piece of cool collaboration between the ‘Caps and Vancity could be ongoing support of Vancouver’s Street Soccer League – some of the Whitecaps players have already trained with homeless players from Portland FC and Vancity funds many of the services, programs and places upon which Street Soccer players rely. I mean, how cool would the Vancity logo look on the uniforms?!

Vancity is all about economically, socially and environmentally healthy communities, which certainly jives with the goal to create the fittest generation of youth by 2020. So, think about it, Vancouver Whitecaps FC and Vancity. You’re made for each other!

Holly Langland is Carpe Diem!

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Who are you?

Well, my life purpose is bringer of light, play and possibilities and the older I get [Editor's note: she's not old] the more I realize how true it is and how hard I strive to achieve my purpose. And I realize how much I need to get out of my own way and just be it and live it!

What do you do for fun?

First of all, I do whatever I can to make my life fun. In fact, I take issue with dividing fun from everything else. So, for me living is fun. My life is fun. Having said that, I really enjoy cooking, listening to the birds – communing with nature, that is – and defying the odds.

What is your favourite community? Why?

In [self-assessment tool] StrengthsFinder my top strength is Connectedness. My community is humankind, and I need to live in a community that is limitless; I need to be a part of something that recognizes the beauty in all human beings as well as the fact that, really, I’m no different from someone in, say, Ghana. Humankind’s similarities far outweigh our differences and through understanding and celebrating these similarities we can overcome our differences. I think that this kind of approach and understanding will allow our community to not be run down by all the mechanisms of life, like bills, debt, structure, rules, and all the rest of it.

What is your superpower?

You know, I think my superpower is seeing peoples’ beauty and vulnerability at the same time. Whether it’s at a bus stop or Starbucks I am often approached by people – one time, a guy started singing me a song – because I feel like I’m on the same page as them. So, showing kindness is my superpower; I give people the benefit of the doubt without seeking any judgment.

How do you use it to build community?

People like to be seen, noticed and acknowledged. I’m able to extend a hand – physical, mental, emotional – and do it in a way that make people trust me. I strive to give more than I get and this approach naturally creates an opening in any community.

My Three Favourite Things About Holly Are…

1. The Big Picture. She gets it, explores it, and celebrates it. Such an approach is very evident given her above description of her favourite community: humankind. Holly is positive and hopeful about our inteconnected global community recognizing that we’re all more similar than different and that, through acknowledging this fact, we can make the world a better place. You gotta love this kind of positive mindset!

2. Amazing Listening Skills. I worked with Holly for just about three years. One of the many things that makes her so good at developing talent is her ability to listen … actively. Holly knows how to take in information – even rambling, semi-disconnected, incredibly tangential stuff from yours truly – and ask really, really, really good questions based on what she heard. And, through these questions, the person to whom she’s conversing is usually empowered with the necessary tools that will allow them to develop their own solution and/or strategy for being awesome. So, thanks for that, Holly.

3. She’s an Amazing Cook. My lovely and talented wife, Michelle, has four rules about meals: they must be affordable, healthy, tasty, and easy to make. Not only do Holly’s many creations hit all of the previous touchpoints, but they exceed them! Dinner parties at Chez Holly are simply delightful, and it was always a pleasure when she brought in culinary creations for potlucks.

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As told by John Horn…

Celebrating Introverts

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Possible Introvert courtesy of sahlgoode/Flickr

Introverts are dynamic, creative and inspiring members of our community. They just don’t tell us about it all the time.

But enough about me writing things. Check out this TED talk by Susan Cain entitled The Power of Introverts.

Full disclosure, I’m an extrovert. In fact, I am such an extrovert that I’m dangerously close to being one of the lunatics that Ms. Cain mentions in the pretty darn good talk above. My lovely, talented and tolerant wife, Michelle, claims that she’s an “amnivert” but is probably an introvert (we’re all a bit of both, right?) – fun fact: Michelle absolutely has a suitcase full of books.

One of my dear friends, Holly, describes knowing how introverted and extroverted you are by reflecting on where you get your energy from. For example, on Saturday night Michelle and I were invited over to our friends’ place at 9:30pm. We were both exhausted after a day of home renovations. Consequently, Michelle stayed home, as she gets her energy – some of it, anyway, from the monk/rabbi-like solitude described in the above TED talk. I, on the other hand, went over to our friends’ house (it was only a block) and stayed there until almost 3am because there were people in attendance who I hadn’t seen in awhile, new people to meet (strangers are just best friends I haven’t met yet, in my opinion), and there were promises of playing games. Needless to say, we all got our energy for Sunday from different places in different ways.

As I work in a school that is also, um, a workplace, Ms. Cain’s ideas certainly struck a chord. I have definitely worked with many introverted students, much of the time advising them on how to find their element in a loud and impulsive world of extroverts seeking to win friends and influence people. Further, many of the things of which Ms. Cain is wary – loud brainstorming, charismatic speakers with half-baked ideas, hyper-teamwork – reflect my preferred working style. And this has me thinking about my introverted colleagues and how best to engage them going forward. So I’ll ask them about it; such is my style.

So, introverts of the world, as you thoughtfully and quietly engage and reflect on our communities – you allegedly make up between 30-50% of the world’s population – be sure to let we extroverts know your story because we’d love to help you tell it. Also, don’t be afraid to tell us to be quiet every now and then. We need introspection and solitude, too.

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Masthead photo courtesy of sahlgoode

Grantland, The Wire and Smacketology

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If you like The Wire, March Madness and democracy then you should read the next 250* words.

You know, if Kurt, Mike and I had the resources (money, time, reputation, skill, connections, ESPN-overlords) we could pull off something like Grantland.com, the masterpiece of Bill Simmons, who continues to define himself as an innovative leader within the edutaining space where sports, pop culture and media collide.

Some of the similarities between Mr. Simmons’s online project and ours are uncanny. Grantland and the Daily Gumboot each boast writing staffs chock-full of people who went to grad school and try really hard to showcase that this was not a poor decision; I think the former website’s writers get paid, though. Sorry, Jim and Martin. Oh, we both use semi-colons and footnotes, too. We love soup. And, as with Mr. Simmons and his team, Kurt and I love to hypothesize about hypothetical tournaments involving incredibly nerdy supercool things/people/nouns like superheroes, historical figures, athletes (me), politicians (Kurt), and our friends challenging each other until only one is left standing.

Oh, and 92% of Daily Gumboot Correspondents think that The Wire is the greatest television show ever and that it is one of the most important cultural contributions of the twenty-first century. I can only assume that it’s the same over at Grantland.

This is where the similarities end, though. Because the fine folks at Grantland created something amazing, hilarious, and score-settling that we could never produce. It was called the Souperbowl – a March-Madness-like tournament that put one soup against another and we the people voted for the outright winner – and it was pretty great.

But that’s not what I’m writing about today. The Souperbowl isn’t the thing that’s rocketed Grantland into a new whole class of awesome.

Smacketology is what’s rocketed Grantland into a whole new class of awesome. It’s got all the cool components of the Souperbowl and is also important.

David T. Cole/Grantland Illustration

Because Smacketology is a March-Madness-like tournament that will determine the greatest character from the greatest television show, The Wire. [Editor's note: Michelle and I aren't actually sure if the tournament is designed to determine the greatest character or if it's, like, a death match - it's not entirely clear. And my endictment of said lack of clarity is in no way a criticism of past, current or future grad students]. In terms of historical perspective, Smacketology was partially inspired by a conversation that Mr. Simmons had with an up-and-comer on the American political scene, President Barack Obama. Awesome.

According to Alex Pappademas, here’s what the tournament is meant to achieve:

What if we actually did subject the key players of the Wire-verse to rigorous bracketological inquiry? If we played corner boys against dock workers, murder-polices against hoppers, and craven politicos against enigmatic not-actually-Greek human traffickers, in matchups as arbitrary and occasionally unjust as life and death on the mean streets of West Baltimore, would the king stay the king?

I encourage you to, first, check out the Facebook commentary, which is as hilarious as it is inspiring – people really, really, really care about The Wire and have some really, really, really strong opinions about how their most/least favourite characters will do in the tournament. And, once you’ve settled down, get voting so that your favourite characters make it through. Most importantly, have fun with it!

Well played, Grantland. Well played.

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Masthead photo courtesy of eli.pousson

*it was actually 500 more words … I regret nothing

Octopi Underperforms in 2-1 Victory Over Turfinators

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Nobody left the pitch happy on Wednesday night. Not the Turfinators (they lost 2-1). Not Octopi Vancouver (they/we should’ve won 8-0). Not the UrbanRec official (Octopi may have lost its sportsmanship award).

Many of the Octopi team members – except Jen, Jess and Nicole, whose positive energy and team spirit were awesome and semi-contagious – left the field in angry states that truly ran the gamut of sensation; from Erin Loxam’s “we could’ve done a lot better” to my yelling in the car on the way home things like “I had the whole right side of the net wide open and shot it right at the goalie because I’m an idiot” and “those guys couldn’t control their bodies and almost hurt a lot of people with their goonish awkwardness.”

But enough about that. What about the soccer football?

Roger Hosking started the scoring on a one-timer – which was also a cracker – off a gorgeous heel-pass from centre-midfielder and Architect at Large, Stewart Burgess. The onion bag bulged and Octopi got off to a fast start.

The Turfinators answered back quickly, as White Socks – their one All-Star-caliber player – weaved his way through our entire side and then sniped a perfect snipe into the top corner of League MVP David Willinsky’s goal. Colanders contain water better than our team’s collective defensive effort contained White Socks on that play..

The next 20-30 minutes unfolded as an exercise in goal-mouth futility for the Octopi side, who had no fewer than 87 exceptional scoring chances that unfolded not as goals, but as near misses, huge misses, incredible misses, goal-post-bounce-offs, shots right at the goalie, shots right at the sideline, shots right into the sprawling legs of defenders, and, yes, shots backwards, too.

Luckily, the team’s savior, Roger Hosking, came to the rescue with a well-timed strike that beat the Turfinator keeper with ease – Roger did a neat thing by not shooting the ball 10 meters wide or right at the goalie. Well done, good sir.

By the end of the evening, the Turfinators’ unintentionally chippy play (they put me on my butt at least five times and absolutely flattened our star striker Erin Loxam) and Octopi’s collective inability to put more balls in the back of the net resulted in the vocal presentation of some heated and biting feedback at the opposition players and an UrbanRec official that may or may not have come from the author of this blog post.

Allow me to stand on my soap box for just a moment: players and officials, when an emotional competitor who frustratingly underachieved during the game and is upset with himself apologizes to you for his inappropriate behaviour, don’t tell him to keep his mouth shut and then say something else that can’t be repeated on this blog. A happy and healthy community this does not build. At the end of the day, it’s just sports!

Oh, one last thing. League MVP and Vancouver Whitecaps back-up goalie, David Willinsky, also made a win-saving stop with about 10 seconds to go in the match. Amazing.

Editor’s note: a special thanks to Jen for her enduring positivity – as I reflected on my life choices and poor performance at 2AM on Thursday morning, your kind words and enlightened spirit made my frustration melt away.