Dear Readers,

First, it goes without saying that Mike Boronowski is a god amongst men (he’s like a nymph or a sprite, but one that can punk rock, toss hay bails and fix your computer) and a true hero of this community.

Second, the Daily Gumboot is not a dirty website.

There are some vile and vicious rumours flying around the Twitterverse this week (see angry image above). And I’m not talking about Fox News North or the Canadian National Basketball team taking steroids or the Canadian Association of Career Educators and Employers (CACEE) 2010 Western Region Award Winner taking steroids or that Stephen Harper is a communist. These are just rumours – they are hilarious ones, too. They are most certainly not vile and vicious rumours.

A vile and vicious rumour is this…

THE DAILY GUMBOOT IS A VIRUS-LADEN, DIRTY ATTACK WEBSITE THAT WILL GIVE YOU DISEASES!!!

Man, yesterday our lovely online community’s landing page was replaced with a red banner, angry icons and, I think, a man with a European-style security guard hat (again, see above). Up-and-coming search-engine/Emperor-of-Galactic-Empire-from-Star-Wars, Google, even tagged us as “potentially harmful” and “a purveyor of Malware.”

Look. I have no idea who this Malware guy is and I can only assume that he is a Harry Potter villain.

Yes. You are evil.

Google, we have never subscribed to the Interscape’s black magic and we only strive to make positive connections between people, places, things, and ideas – nouns, basically – in your Twitterverse. It seems weird that you would react in such a way to such a small-potatoes blog. Unless, of course, we’re not small-potatoes at all!

Clearly, there are three – and only three – possibilities for the Gumboot being temporarily shut down yesterday. Here they are:

1. Google is on to Johnism! That’s right, people named John, the current ruler of the universe is shaken and flustered by the next, next rulers of the world (we at Johnism understand that China has been waiting to run things for a long time and that they have earned and deserve their moment). It’s about time that serious people/organizations started taking my plans for world domination seriously. People named John who work at Google: when the revolution comes be sure to choose the right side; you have nothing to lose but your, um, creative job and amazing salary. Hmmm…I’ll get back to you with a better value proposition.

2. North Korea has declared war on Kurt Heinrich! It was bound to happen. Kurt has been talking a lotta smack about North Korea and, well, the world’s ADHD-dyslexic-angry-teenager-on-meth just became an Internet Superpower. Put these two facts together and you get what promises to be an ongoing and bloody conflict with casualties on both sides. Especially since Kurt’s nuclear program is near completion.

3. We forgot to update our WordPress account and, consequently, got hacked! Possible, but not probable. They don’t call the Daily Gumboot editorial team “social media ninjas” because we just let people walk around dropping malware everywhere.

Readers, we thank you for your patience and look forward to moving cleanly past this together. When it comes to internet-transmitted-infections (ITIs), the Daily Gumboot and all of its writers have had their shots and taken their medicine – except Alex Grant, but his magical mustache protects him from anything evil – and we look forward to engaging you in some inspiring community-minded discussions in any forum and with any style that our semi-benevolent overlords at Google permit. Sorry for the inconvenience.

We promise to have fun with it if you do!

- JCH

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