Are you a Charlie Brown? Vintage Queen? Traditional? The type of Christmas tree you choose this holiday season says a lot about you – your values, interests, personality, style. Luckily, this handy Christmas tree style guide can help you figure out what your tree type is, and from there, well, the possibilites are endless.
A Traditionalist's Nightmare ...
The Traditionalist:
You look forward to getting a tree in like, July. You make plans to get a tree no later than the end of November. The decorations are on, the lights are strung and you’re happily sipping [insert traditional holiday drink that your mom used to make you as a kid here] by December 1st … 2nd, at the latest. Nothing but a live tree with ornaments passed down through the years and a stocking hung with glee will do for the traditionalist.
The perfectionist:
Ah yes, we all know them. We can see them (and their perfectly groomed trees) from a mile away. The ornaments will be color-coded, hung in perfect alignment with one another, and perfectly straight. The tree may be live … but that gets a little messy. To ensure consistency and, well, perfection, this tree type usually opts for the whole package deal – tree, ornaments and lights all purchased in one go from your friendly, generic holiday retailer.
The Rogue:
Your tree says a lot about you, but at the same time not really much at all … You spend a lot of dough beautifying your tree – because frankly, underneath all the dazzle ‘n glam, it doesn’t have much going for it. On a positive note, some say if you climb to the top of tree, you can almost see Russia …
The Tree Hugger:
Your tree, of course, has been ethically purchased. Maybe it was rented through Evergrow Christmas Trees or Carbonsync Christmas, to be returned to a habitat restoration group for replanting. Perhaps it was purchased with all proceeds going to a local charity, like Aunt Leah’s, with funds going to disadvantaged youth and families throughout the lower mainland. Perhaps you walked 10 km to the nearest tree lot … and back with a tree … so as not to spew toxic fumes into the environment. Whatever the case may be, you can be sure to find recycled-newspaper wrapped gifts under and fair-trade ornaments adorning the tree come Christmas day.
A Festivus for the rest of us!
The ‘Borrower’ :
Armed with just a saw and a pair of Gumboots, this resourceful fellow/lady seems to be able to acquire just about anything. ‘Borrowing’ your neighbor’s fourth generation pear tree as your Christmas tree? No problem! Pears make beautiful – and delicious – ornaments. Venturing into Strathcona Provincial Park to secure your tree? Absolutely! There’s nothing Park Rangers like better than a festive chase through the wilderness on Christmas Eve.
The Philosopher:
The great thing about this type is that you don’t even need a tree. Anything can be the tree! Besides, the Philosopher is too busy asking themselves important questions about said Christmas tree, like what happens when this tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear it? Does it make a sound? And will the Borrower be there to swiftly collect it?
You don’t have a tree, you have an aluminum pole. And you really, really like Seinfeld episodes. You aren’t afraid to tell people how they’ve disappointed you over the past year, and you enjoy a delicious meal of paella over the holidays.
So there you have it. Do you fit in to a tree type above? Do you see yourself falling into a different category altogether? Or, are you one of those cynical souls who refuses to take part in the fun of Christmas-themed sterotyping? Share your thoughts, praises and gripes with us here at the Daily Gumboot.
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Do you know who needs to read this article? The Horn Family! Headed by Tree Hugger parents and followed by a Traditionalist daughter and a Johnist son, we would trek into the Merville wilderness and ‘borrow’ trees from various vacant lots, forestry property (this is a joke, a total joke) and, yes, from our neighbours (look, if they wanted the tree, they would’ve cut it down).
Funnily enough, gumboots and a saw were staples in this noble childhood experience. We didn’t have “Charlie Brown” Christmas trees, we had, to quote Papa Horn, “Chernobyl” Christmas trees.
A wonderful homage to Christmas tree selection, Michelle. I encourage all readers to spread the word.
- Happy Holidays!
I think I might be a mix…. for starters, Kurt and I like to walk into the lot and ask for the smallest and saddest looking tree in the whole place – the “Charlie Brown” tree. Our decorations certainly don’t match – in fact, I go out of my way to make sure they don’t – chaos by design
I like to think I have a little bit of each of these trees in my tree – the T.P.R.T.B.P.F tree! Excellent post, Mc-T!
This is probably one of the best posts hands down ever on this bolg. The sarah Paling rogue tree was really funny and I loved the Seinfeld referencve. I don’t celebrate Christmas, so I woul I think be a philosopher.
gReat!
- Pete
lol… I got annoyed @ my mother again this year b/c I am NOT ALLOWED to put the awesome vintage bubble lights on our ‘new’ tree! For years we had the fake tree my parents got when they first got married 30+ years ago… but then a couple years ago we got a big bushy pre-lit tree. It makes me sad b/c it only has white lights.
At least we still get to put up all of our random assorted decorations! So many figure skating angels, animals, snowmen & santas!
I should note that I currently have a super dorky plastic Christmas wreath strapped to the front of my car.
Meg~
I can empathize with you, Megan! When my parents made the switch to fake tree from real tree; new store-bought ornaments from the hand-made ones my sister and I had made as kids, I was devastated! And guilt trip them to this day …
I would like to respond to Michelle regarding the the fake tree and store bought ornaments. Fear not your home made ornaments are locked away and stored in a heated space. We are planning to give them to someone very special as a wedding gift so they can decorate their very own Christmas tree.
great post Michelle!