Hugging is a powerful relationship-building tool. Just ask Calvin, Hobbes and Bill Watterson! (Cartoon ©Copyright Bill Watterson)

Editor’s Note: usually I kick-off this segment with a story about pirates, and then I cleverly link it to the larger theme of the article; this time, however, I’ll get right to the theme, as it has been historically proven that every single pirate really, really, really liked hugging and used this important gesture as a means of building trust, friendship and powerful business relationships. Or they were/are lonely at sea. Whatever. Moving on…

“A hug is a great gift – one size fits all and it’s easy to exchange.” Well said, anonymous quoter. A good hug represents the foundation of a solid relationship, be it personal or professional (just make sure your colleague/client is as invested in the hug as you are and, most importantly, don’t be a groper…) – a hug is the thing that takes a relationship to another level, be it a long-lasting one or something that is just beginning. One of the best memories from my first few weeks in Vancouver was when a group of hilariously dressed young people climbed on a very, very busy 99 B-Line Express bus and proceeded to offer everybody free hugs. Honestly, it made everyone’s day. Even the folks who merely observed.

And don’t just take my word for it. Blogger Brian Goodman, author of Spirited Thought, did a little research (perhaps from The Recent Findings Institute) and found that “that hugs over twenty seconds create more trust. A little research shows that oxytocin [ok-si-toh-suhn] is at the heart of this thinking – a neurotransmitter in the brain expressed in women during labor, breastfeeding and when males or females orgasm. Zack Lynch, someone who seems to be well regarded, highlights the research of Paul Zak and Ahlam Fakhar which shows that increases in oxytocin and estrogen affects country wide levels of trust.” Hugs build trust and, logically, build community.

Fun fact about hugging: did you know that Toronto is Canada’s hardest city in which to get a hug? True story.

I learned this fun fact from The Kindness Crew, some of the most inspiring young people I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing/hearing speak. Here’s a bit of information from their very cool site:

From audiences at Fortune 500 Companies to entire metropolitan centers, the Crew has inspired and mobilized thousands to commit acts of community service. With expertise in creating and amplifying Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) programs, the Crew has been featured in hundreds of leading publications such as The Globe and Mail, Macleans and the National Post and has appeared on CNN Headline News, Good Morning America, Canada AM and CBC Newsworld.

In 2002, the Extreme Kindness Tour saw these young lads head out on a three month non-profit marathon across Canada. In a motorhome. Their mission was to “connect the world through kindness.” Sadly, this mission came into action after the passing of one of the crew’s (Brad’s) mother combined with the attacks of September 11. The American military chose to combat terrorism with a war, The Kindness Crew chose to fight disease and fear with ”random and extreme acts of kindness.”  I like their idea better, and it has since mobilized millions of people in thousands of communities and businesses around the world to go above and beyond to spread kindness.

The Kindness Crew makes hugs, giving and building positive communities EXTREME! (Photo courtesy of the Kindness Crew: www.extremekindness.com)

Imagine hugging to close a business deal instead of shaking hands. Amazing. After all, the world of business is typically affiliated with the “Cutthroats” and “Pirates” and “Sharks” and Gordon Gekkos of corporate leadership. Okay, forget hugs. Let’s talk instead of extreme kindness as going above and beyond to do exceptionally nice things for your clients and co-workers. Because the prevailing idea in business is that kindness is equal to weakness. No way, says Leadership Guru and inner-peace-having Nice Guy, Robin Sharma: “Not only do good things happen to good people (life’s got this really fair accounting system; Nature must have an MBA in accounting), but people who do great things get to feel great feelings. This isn’t some “soft” idea (and if ideas like these are so “soft” why are they so very hard to do?; anyone can be cranky or unkind or mediocre. Being positive and kind and excellent takes a lot more discipline and power). No, this thought I’m sharing isn’t “soft” at all. It’s a practical, powerful insight that will lead you to real results – in your business life. In your personal life. And in your inner life.”

Pay it forward. Spread kindness. Trust me, it’s contagious. And no matter how much you give – or strive to give – you will always end up getting more in return. As Mr. Sharma pointed out, the universe has a very effective accounting system and nice guys do finish first. And, in the words of relationship-building Superguru, Keith Ferrazzi, “don’t keep score.” Forget about who paid for the last lunch when you meet a friend, client or acquaintance. Share special contacts with people who could really benefit from such a connection. Let other people have their moment at an important meeting. Go above and beyond to be generous and show gratitude to the people who make your business or social enterprize so darn great.

Here are three ways to use hugs to build community:

1. Hug a stranger (ask permission first!): better yet, challenge friends to a fun game of “who can hug the most strangers from [insert start location] to [insert end location]?!”
2. Hug someone you haven’t hugged in a long, long time: got a super-conservative mother-in-law who doesn’t like being touched? Well, she might not be the best target. But, find a good one, and refresh an important relationship with a solid bear hug!
3. Hug your enemy (or enemies if that’s how your roll). I know, I know. It sounds crazy. But if someone somewhere can create Baconnaise and think it’s a good idea, I’ll suggest that embracing someone with a warm hug instead of punching them in the face will do a lot to inspire our leaders to do the same thing. Just an idea. Stephen Harper hugging Jack Layton or George Stroumboulopoulos hugging Jian Ghomeshi is hilarious!

And there are all other sorts of random acts of kindness people can take on, such as: creating a homemade card, buying flowers, amazing active listening, writing a poem, giving a “shout-out,” smacking a bum after a touchdown, providing exceptional recognition, writing a letter just to name a few. So, whether it’s hugging or some other random act of kindness, do it often and spread it around your community. Because, my friends, kindness is more contagious than fear and H1N1 combined.

Now. Get out there and hug someone.

- JCH

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